Self-Esteem

The way we view and think about ourselves and the value we place on ourselves as a person
Think about:
- What words would you use to describe yourself?
- What value did you place on yourself or aspects of yourself?
- Were your descriptions generally positive, balanced, or negative?

Low self-esteem is having a generally negative overall opinion of oneself, judging, or evaluating oneself negatively, and placing a general negative value on oneself as a person
People with low self-esteem usually have deep, basic, negative beliefs about themselves, which are often taken as facts and can have a negative impact on the person's life.
Examples:
- I get nervous talking to new people. I am socially inept!
- I could not understand the course material today. I must be really stupid!

Criticize themselves and abilities, brush off compliments or positive qualities, focus on mistakes, what they didn't do, or what other people seem to do or have
In school or work, may avoid challenges and achieve less
In personal relationships, may become upset or distressed by any criticism or disapproval.
- They may bend over backwards to please others
- Be extremely shy or self-conscious
- Avoid or withdraw from intimacy or social contact
- Less likely to stand up for themselves from being abused

Current self-esteem is likely to be impacted by past experiences that contributed to negative core beliefs

When we strongly believe negative statements about ourselves, it often leads to feeling bad about ourselves and experience strong negative emotions.
To ensure survival and to keep functioning, we begin to make certain assumptions, rules, and guidelines for how we live that protects our self-esteem
Rule: I must be the best at everything or I must never make any mistakes
Assumptions: If I ask for help, I will be put down or No matter what I do, it will never be good enough

The guidelines or rules for behaviors may lead to people having unrealistic expectations of their performance and engage in behaviors that they may feel are helpful to achieving the expectations.
When a negative core belief is activated, people are likely to think that situations will end badly or become very self-critical

Sometimes, what we think may be consumed by predicting the worst and jumping to conclusions:
- I will fail
- Others will criticize me

Being unable to meet unrealistic expectations may lead to negative self-evaluation, which means the way you think is consumed by self-blame and self-criticism.
You may then behave in certain ways such as isolating yourself or withdrawing because you may think you do not deserve enjoyable things.

Self Esteem Diagram

Think of some qualities that you like about yourself
This may be easy to dismiss and cause discomfort for acknowledging positive qualities but is necessary for a more balanced self-evaluation.
A tendency to only pay attention to negative views or events may cause you to miss and ignore compliments, achievements, or positive qualities that may exist.
Increasing the amount of fun, enjoyment, and pleasure during your week and increasing/acknowledging your achievements during the week are other ways of promoting more balanced self-view.

Rules/assumptions may be rigid and difficult to change
Helpful rules are realistic, flexible, and adaptable that enable healthy functioning.
Although rules appear to help protect self-esteem, they are actually keeping negative core beliefs and low self-esteem in place without being challenged
Start by identifying rules/assumptions, think about:
- What you expect of yourself in various situations
- What you expect from others
- Family sayings you were exposed to as a child
Then:
- Question their impact and helpfulness
- Identify their advantages and disadvantages

Self-esteem affects virtually every facet of your life. When you value yourself and have good self-esteem, you feel secure and worthwhile and have generally positive relationships with others. You feel confident about your abilities and tend to do well at school or work. You're also open to learning and feedback, which can help you acquire and master new skills. With healthy self-esteem you're:
- Assertive in expressing your needs and opinions
- Able to form secure and honest relationships and less likely to stay in unhealthy ones
- Realistic in your expectations and less likely to be overcritical of yourself and others